Anxious, anxious, anxious. Next week I'm traveling home, where I'm only out to two people who I may or may not meet with at all. The thing is, I haven't been back for a year. Last time was pretty early in my transition and I didn't look different at all. Now I do. My mother is already excited how she's going to "fix that awful hair" and I don't think she'd be thrilled at all about the rest of my style either. While she doesn't get to dictate how I look, I also don't want to be confrontational. So I'm preprating to be in girlmode at least part-time. I've already shaved a year's worth of body hair...

While I can't bring myself to wear dresses and blouses, I dug up a couple of jumsuits that are femme enough for her, and queer enough for me. After trying them on with a bold purple lipstick I actully even enjoyed the gender bending bit. It was fun to see myself like that. I can do it! But then I tried my  menswear to see if I can feminize it sufficiently, and folks... I LIKE IT SO MUCH BETTER! I LIKE BEING A MAN! I LIKE LOOKING LIKE A MAN! And yes, I like being a weird effeminate man, and I like the genderfuckery of dressing like a man while still wearing the purple lipstick. I like wearing my violet chinos and my shirt with violet tigers and JUST BASKING IN MY QUEER TRANSMASC GLORY, OKAY???

These are going to be two tough weeks.

Reposted from marbear